why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize