he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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