How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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