it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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