She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
