the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We're too hungover to prance.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
