Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
