In the future we'll all be gay
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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