Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
