I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
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Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
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Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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