What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
