My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
