cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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