I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
