Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
