it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
