I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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