He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
