Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
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If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
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If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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