After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
