The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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