You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
