google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
