i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
