I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Did I show you my penis last night?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
