you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we're so committed to being not committed
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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