This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
