but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
