my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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