is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
