so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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