If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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