On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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