the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
