You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
