apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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