I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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