If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
