I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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