My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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