I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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