i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
