Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
