dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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