dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
