Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
