Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
