The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
