I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
