I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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