Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
