Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
