I'm jealous of your bromance
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
