i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
