paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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