Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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