so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.