Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.