it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.