I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
