Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
