my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Let's paint friendship bongs
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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