Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I had to cum in my sink.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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