my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
