This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
