I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
