you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize