You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
the liver wants what the liver wants
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
