My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
