I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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