Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
