I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
