grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
